After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They took my balls.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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