we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
