I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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