Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
