he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
