im six kinds of drunk right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
