So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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