Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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