covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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