Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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