yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
