WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
