We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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