none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Michael Bay diarrhea
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
