Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
