Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
