Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
too bad you live with your parents still
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
