its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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