hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
