I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
