he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
