is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
