white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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