Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
