I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize