I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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