im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
