Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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