sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
