my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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