just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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