had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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