some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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