She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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