We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
