yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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