Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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