I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
