Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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