And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
