I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
