Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think my fart just growled at me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
