Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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