Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
