I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
