Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
