i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
