Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found your dick twin last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
