Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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