I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
