You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
