Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
