Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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