One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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