Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
where does the pee come out of this thing
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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