I wish I only lived at night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
