i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
God I need to hump something, right now.
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