remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
