im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
