We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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