I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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