At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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