You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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