I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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