He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
