We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
