dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
