how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
