it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
