im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
