I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
