idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize