Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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