Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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