I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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