I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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