DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
