Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
