you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
