We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
