someone threw a dead crab at me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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