OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
