Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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