My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
