The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
