I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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