that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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