I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
