You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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